


far ahead the road has gone

by guineapiggie



Series: written for the Jyn Appreciation Squad [10]
Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Driving, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-26
Updated: 2018-10-26
Packaged: 2019-08-08 03:18:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16421372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/guineapiggie/pseuds/guineapiggie
Summary: The road was very empty; she hadn’t passed another car in at least five minutes, and pleasant and welcome though the silence was after the long days she’d had at the conference, the empty car didn’t really feel like a refuge anymore.It just felt… well,empty.She briefly toyed with the idea of turning the radio back on, then decided against it. No, there was something she wanted to do, and she could almost see the old Jyn passing her by on her right and scoffing at the idea.Come on, Jyn,she’d probably think,haven’t you learned anything?





	far ahead the road has gone

It seemed that, although it was the goddamn twenty-first century, there was a single song on all the radio stations in Britain, and it had been playing for the past three hours. Or maybe they all just sounded extremely similar.

Or maybe they weren’t similar at all, they all just got on her nerves the same amount.

She turned it off and sighed in relief when the car filled with a blessed silence, just the motor and the murmur of the wheels on the concrete. She used to love this, she remembers. The calm and the quiet, just the black landscape slipping by at the fringe of her vision and the milky white shadow of the moon in the anthracite sky above. Even the traffic jams she’d hardly minded back then, liked them, even – it was pretty somehow, the red lights meandering into the distance and its bright white twins to the right. Sometimes she’d caught sight of another driver across the crash barrier, evidently annoyed at being stuck for the near future, sometimes muttering to themselves in annoyance or snapping at someone (their spouse, presumably) over the phone. She used to grin to herself, and tell herself how bloody lucky she could consider herself that she wasn’t tied down like this, that there was nobody sending her passive-aggressive texts about how she’d said she’d be home an hour ago.

Looking back, she thought the truth was she’d been jealous, just a little. Maybe she’d remembered the days her father had come home from a work trip when she was little. Her mother had made some kind of dish that she’d have never let her have for dinner otherwise, homemade pizza usually, or they’d gone out to get Chinese food or fish and chips. And then she’d let her stay up and watch a movie, even a scary one if she wanted. She thought her mother’s favourite had been the really old ones, the black-and-white horror films, Christopher Lee as a vampire, these sort of things. They’d curled up on the couch together with thick woollen blankets and chocolate and peppermint tea, and at some point Jyn had always fallen asleep, no matter how hard she’d tried. She’d usually slept through her father’s return, and barely woken up when he’d carried her upstairs and tucked her into bed.

She hadn’t let herself miss all that in a very long time.

The road was very empty; she hadn’t passed another car in at least five minutes, and pleasant and welcome though the silence was after the long days she’d had at the conference, the empty car didn’t really feel like a refuge anymore.

It just felt… well, _empty_.

She briefly toyed with the idea of turning the radio back on, then decided against it. No, there was something she wanted to do, and she could almost see the old Jyn passing her by on her right and scoffing at the idea.

 _Come on, Jyn,_ she’d probably think, _haven’t you learned anything?_

She sighed again, then felt herself laugh.

No, maybe not. Maybe she hadn’t. And when she wound up alone again, this time probably because of something she’d said, or done, it’d hurt every bit as much as when her father –

No, _if_ she wound up alone again. _If._ A little optimism wouldn’t kill her, after all this time. It was too late either way, so she might as well hope a little. Cassian liked to say something to that effect, and she made a point to pretend she didn’t remember what exactly he said.

A sudden noise made her jump. Damn that stupid fancy car, and whoever had invented the hands-free kit.

For just a moment, she considered not answering it. But then the old, scared Jyn passed her by, back towards London, her dingy lonely flat, and she remembered that this was her boyfriend of two years, who had no idea of those moments she had.

Then again, it was Cassian. He’d probably known from day one.

“Sorry, got stuck in traffic. Fucking London, you know how it is,” she said by ways of a greeting, and could hear him laugh a little at the other end of the line.

“Yes, I know,” he muttered, his voice very close to the speaker, but quiet and a little husky. “I just figured I should keep you from falling asleep.”

She smiled faintly. “Sounds more like you’re trying to keep yourself from falling asleep, Cass.”

“That too,” he replied, and she could hear the grin in his voice. It’d been a long time since she’d had that, too, since she’d known someone well enough to hear things like that in someone’s voice.

“Where are you?”

She sighed. “Anywhere between Reading and Swindon, don’t ask me. But the road seems pretty clear now, so –“

“Smooth sailing from there, right,” he replied. “I guess that means I can open another bottle in the meantime.”

“Beer, I hope.”

“Why, did you have plans for the tequila?”

“For you, actually,” she gave back with a smirk, and heard him laugh at the other end of the line.

“Oh, you did?”

(She did have plans, and plans she intended to stick to.)

“So, drinking by yourself,” she said after a while. “Sounds like your night is almost as exciting as mine.”

“I’m watching _The Exorcist._ ”

She laughed. “What?”

“ _The Exorcist._ I’ve never seen it before, and I thought it would keep me awake.”

“How’s that working out for you?”

“I don’t know, I feel like I should be more scared,” he answered sheepishly. “Does that make me a bad Catholic?”

She smiled. “It’s not your fault, England’s never really been a great place for that.” She glanced at a sign at the side of the road. “20 miles outside of Swindon, by the way.”

“Good. Less than an hour.”

“Please. I can make that in thirty minutes. Maybe less.”

“Jyn,” he said in a strained tone, that tone that always tore at her heart a little bit. There was a touch of pleading to it, a faint note of _please don’t anyone do this to me again,_ and that was painfully familiar.

“I’m joking, Cassian.” _Mostly._

“There’s still food left,” he said softly after a moment. “Chinese, from Baze. I’ll heat it up for you.”

She smiled to herself. Yes, she’d like that. She’d actually really like to just curl up on that couch that wasn’t really big enough for the both of them, and have some re-heated noodles and a glass of wine and watch some old movie and…

She’d missed him. She was brave enough to admit that to herself now, on occasion, that she missed him. A lot.

Not quite brave enough to say it, though, at least not in those exact words. Maybe someday.

She turned down the heating a little.

“Are you still there?”

“Yeah. Yeah, sorry. That’d be great.”

She could hear the sofa creak a little as he got up. “There might still be salad, too. I’ll try to make something, but no promises.”

A little more than two years ago, she'd have returned to a cold, messy flat and an empty fridge, and the only life form to greet her would have been a little mould on the leftover bread. Her life right now seemed a little too good to be true, in comparison, and the night around her was so still and dreamlike that it wasn't hard to imagine she'd somehow made it all up...

“Don’t hang up,” she said, before she could stop herself. “Can you put me on speaker? The radio is driving me insane.”

“Sure," he replied after a slight pause, and she thought she could hear him smile that soft surprised little smile, the one that made her heart ache a little every time. "Do you want tea?”

“If you’re offering.” Jyn grinned to herself. Damn it, at some point she really did slip up with this man, didn’t she? Still, tonight, she’d get a late dinner out of it, and something to make up for the cold hotel beds she’d slept in in the past week, even if maybe someday – _no, stop it, Jyn_.

(Maybe someday, the _whens_ that she’d turned into _ifs_ over the last two years could disappear for good. He didn’t deserve to be doubted like that, and she was trying, honestly trying not to. It was a process, though.)

“I brought you chocolate,” she said quietly. “It’s a bit cliché, right? But I figured it’s Switzerland, so…”

“You didn’t have to bring me anything.”

“I know. But you’re making me dinner at eleven forty, even though you got up at six.”

“Yes, I am. Is that desperate?”

She laughed. “I don't know. But I like it.” 


End file.
